Throughout my life, I had always held a laid-back attitude towards money. Even as a young child, I had an insatiable desire to buy things, and saving was nearly impossible for me. Money was a taboo subject in my family, and we rarely discussed it. It seemed that my family was afraid of appearing financially unstable. We would dine at restaurants, constantly buy new clothes, and take vacations, all while living a lifestyle that we couldn’t afford.

At the age of 17, I made the decision to move to England, desperate to escape my difficult relationship with my mother. Starting college and getting my first job brought with it a sense of freedom and independence that was exhilarating. However, it was during this time that my spending habits took a turn for the worse. The rush of dopamine I experienced when I received my first paycheck was intoxicating. I became addicted to shopping, and soon realized that my income was not enough to sustain my lifestyle.

I remember coming across an advertisement for Quick Quid payday loans, and within 15 minutes, I had £500 in my bank account. After spending it all, I craved more and more. I took on a second job, working long hours, and began relying on various payday loans to support my shopping addiction. My life became consumed by credit and constant shopping. Eventually, I reached a point where I could no longer keep up with my credit payments. I sought help from my bank and took out a loan to repay my debts, which I successfully did. However, as soon as my debt was cleared, I was offered even more credit, and the cycle continued.

Reflecting on my behaviour now, I was acting like an addict, constantly telling myself that I needed to save but succumbing to the temptation of available credit to continue shopping. I have been on not one, but two debt management plans. I must confess that I kept a secret credit card for emergencies, despite knowing that it was not allowed while on a debt management plan. I eventually paid off both plans but still had a £5000 balance on that “just in case” credit card, which I am still paying off. After completing debt management plans I was still being offered more credit, which of course I was accepting as I was addicted to spending!

Three years ago, I went through a devastating breakup that took a toll on my mental health. I made a foolish decision during this time, and I wonder if it was the heartbreak or the lack of financial stability that contributed to my actions. Perhaps it was a combination of both. I began experiencing panic attacks and crippling anxiety in the middle of the night. I often wonder how I would have coped with the breakup if my financial situation had been better. It is widely known that finances have a significant impact on our mental well-being, but to what extent? How different would things have been for me if I had a financial safety net instead of overwhelming debt and nowhere to turn?

I have always been aware that my spending habits were unhealthy, and I would often try to impose restrictions on myself, only to end up spending even more. It was always small purchases, but they added up quickly.

Fortunately, I was able to find a new job and move to a new place where I could begin healing after my breakup. I became self-employed and made a promise to myself to address my finances, as I had always been aware of the unhealthy nature of my spending habits. I started practicing mindfulness and yoga, which helped me become more self-aware. I discovered that I suffered from severe anxiety and that material possessions did not bring me true happiness.

I made the decision to finally take control of my finances. Before doing so, I indulged in a final shopping spree at Gatwick Airport Duty-free shops, spending £700 on treats for myself. It was a cringe-worthy moment, but it served as a turning point in my journey towards financial responsibility. Upon returning home, I realized that all my credit cards were maxed out, and I had a £5000 self-assessment bill that I had not saved for. Fortunately, HMRC allowed me to make monthly payments, but I was sternly warned that I needed to save in advance for the following year, as monthly payments would not be an option two years in a row. I understood the seriousness of the situation and knew that I had to take action because the interest and minimum payments were consuming my entire salary. The math simply did not add up.

I made the decision to confide in my closest friends and yoga teacher about my financial struggles. Their support was overwhelming, as they showed me kindness and understanding instead of judgment. One friend shared several helpful resources with me, including the Financielle app. I cannot express enough gratitude for her help. My yoga teacher has also encouraged me to find a forum and connect with other people within similar situation which gave me courage to be introduced myself to the Financielle community. I decided to approach my financial situation seriously and treat Financielle as a course and began reading all the materials provided. I religiously watched Laura’s weekly live sessions, taking notes with pen and paper.

Over the past six months, I have been using a financial plan that has not only taught me a great deal about managing my finances but has also provided insight into my own spending habits. I have come to realize that certain emotions and feelings act as triggers for my spending habits.

One significant realization I have had is that when using credit, everything seems like monopoly money – easily attainable. For instance, I was given the choice to pay £2352 for a laptop in 24 monthly instalments of £98, and I initially thought it was a bargain. However, my mindset about finances has since changed, thanks to the Financielle method. I used to believe that my lack of earning was the root of my financial problems, but by employing the Financielle method and gaining a better understanding of my financial situation, I now know that I earn enough. The reason I am always struggling to save money is because most of my salary goes towards paying off credit instead of achieving my goals.

It is worth noting that in the past, I used to tell myself that living on credit was acceptable because many other people do it. However, I now realize that this mindset was detrimental to my mental health. In January, when I turned 30, I found myself in a distressing situation with a significant amount of debt and crippling anxiety, along with a £5000 tax bill.

When I first started using the Financielle method, I felt worse because it made me confront how poorly I managed my finances. I was filled with shame and depression. Fortunately, my yoga teacher has been an unwavering source of support during this challenging time. She encouraged me to reach out to my bank and honestly explain my mental health struggles, as well as request a 0% interest rate on my credit card. To my surprise, they accepted my request. I had been avoiding contacting Barclays for two months, but one day I gathered the courage and they simply said yes. This experience taught me that companies have trained staff to help individuals like me. All I had to do was be honest and ask for help. This has become a valuable tool in my life – being honest and unafraid to seek help.

How am I doing now? As I mentioned earlier, the beginning was extremely challenging, and I still struggle with managing my finances effectively. I have come to realize that I must start saying no to many things and make lifestyle adjustments. Surprisingly, this has been very beneficial for me, as it has allowed me to take a break from constant spending. I won’t claim that my budget is perfect, but I have learned the importance of tracking my expenses. My debt is gradually decreasing, and although I sometimes become impatient, I remind myself that I have sinking funds that truly save me in times of need. For the first time in my life, I am confident that I will be okay.

My mental health has significantly improved, and I sleep better at night and feel more at peace. By avoiding credit and the constant search for the best deals, as well as reducing the number of parcels I receive, my life is now filled with more meaningful things. I have become more present and self-aware of my purchases and lifestyle choices. I have gained a true understanding of the value of money. For instance, that £98 payment for my laptop could have been distributed towards something more meaningful, such as a pension or investment. However, for now, I must focus on slowly pulling myself out of the survival stage.

I am determined to achieve my goal of becoming debt-free once and for all. I often visualize how incredible it would feel to be financially secure, and I can confirm that the feeling is truly amazing and thanks to Financielle I know exactly when it will be.

Lots of love and gratitude to the wonderful Financielle team who are saving lives. You have definitely saved mine.

Head to the Financielle platform to get your money journey started.