Couples Therapy: Why Money Fights Are Never Just About Money

In a recent episode of Couples Therapy on Showtime, a couple sat down to work through what looked, on the surface, like a budgeting issue. But as their conversation unfolded, it revealed something much deeper.

Overspending… or soothing?

Katherine described a day out with her daughter that ended in a $1,000 spend – lunch, nails, Sephora. “It’s a vortex,” she explained. Trips to Target regularly hit $470. But her husband Nick wasn’t just concerned about the cost, he saw something emotional underneath it all.

He gently connected her overspending to childhood experiences: growing up ashamed of her home, being bullied, feeling unattractive. 

“It’s about not feeling enough”, he said. 

Katherine agreed. “I look back at myself at 13 and say, ‘you were a disaster.’” And even at 40, that shame still lingers.

Emotional spending is very real. 

Budgeting battles and emotional blind spots

In another scene, the two fought over a $3,000 birthday party for their 6 year old daughter. Nick had assumed there’d be a budget. Katherine hadn’t realised he wanted one. “We paid in cash,” she said, but it turned out that “cash” meant dipping into business and joint accounts without a clear plan.

Their therapist, Dr. Orna Guralnik, cut straight to the core:

“What prevents the two of you from planning together?”

The Financielle angle:

At Financielle, we see this all the time. Budgeting isn’t just a numbers exercise: it’s emotional. It’s about shame, identity, upbringing, and power. True financial wellness means learning to unpack those stories together.

But it’s not just about reflection, it’s about setting a clear, agreed budget in advance, so you can avoid stress and miscommunication about money. 

→ Want to read more? 

Check out:

• Treat Yourself: The Hidden Costs of Emotional Spending and How to Take Control
• 5 Compelling Reasons to Combine Finances as a Couple (And How It Can Strengthen Your Relationship)
• 7 Reasons Your Budget’s Not Working — And What to Do About It

Watch the Couples Therapy clips on TikTok: 

“Maintaining budgets” clip 

“Overspending” clip